I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas. ~Jack Handey
Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it. ~Russel Baker
This left me alone to solve the coffee problem - a sort of catch-22, as in order to think straight I need caffeine, and in order to make that happen I need to think straight. ~David Sedaris
Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after. ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Lead your life so you won't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip ~unknown
No spring nor summer beauty hath such grace
as I have seen in one autumnal face. ~John Donne
The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is that they have a common enemy. ~Sam Levenson
The dog was created specially for children. He is a god of frolic. ~Henry Ward Beecher
It’s a funny thing, the more I practice the luckier I get. ~Arnold Palmer
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. ~Phyllis Diller
We cannot wait for the storm to blow over; we must learn to work in the rain. ~Jennifer Granholm
Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. ~George Bernard Shaw
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. ~Bill Cosby
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. ~Confucius
Develop your eccentricities while you are young. That way, when you get old, people won't think you're going gaga. ~David Ogilvy
Instant gratification takes too long. ~Carrie Fisher
My evil genius Procrastination has whispered me to tarry 'til a more convenient season. ~Mary Todd Lincoln
There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. ~Albert Einstein
I have great faith in fools. My friends call it self-confidence. ~Edgar Allan Poe
Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is the lightning that does the work. ~Mark Twain
If you cannot be a poet, be the poem. ~David Carradine
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you? ~Erma Bombeck
I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.~Janeane Garofalo
If I only had a little humility I would be perfect. ~Ted Turner
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. ~A. Whitney Brown
Every year I live I am more convinced that the waste of life lies in the love we have not given, the powers we have not used, the selfish prudence that will risk nothing, and which shirking pain, misses happiness as well. No one ever yet was the poorer in the long run for having once in a lifetime 'let out all the length of all the reins'. ~Mary Cholmondeley
With kids, the days are long, but the years are short.
~John Leguizamo
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life. ~George Carlin